One (MASSIVE) Ring To Rule Them All

Oh yeah, we’re doing this.

Columbus was robbed of a result against the Los Angeles Galaxy on Thursday night, but bounced back with a 1-0 victory over Portland Timbers on Sunday. Both games were pretty straight forward, so I thought it would be more fun (and productive) describe the results in Lord Of The Rings quotes.

Enjoy!

Columbus Crew 1-2 Los Angeles Galaxy

-”One does not simply walk into Los Angeles and win. It’s black gates are guarded by more than just PRO Referees. There is evil there that does not suit up in white. The Great Don is ever watchful. It is a barren wasteland riddled with fire, ash, and dust. The very air you breathe is a poisonous fume. Not with 10,000 men could you do this. It is folly.” -Everyone

-”And you Robbie Keane. I give you the light of Sorin Stoica, our most beloved star. May he be a light for you in dark places, when you are trailing late in the game.” -Don Garber

-”Fool of a Sanchez! Throw yourself out next time and rid us of your stupidity (and temper)!” -Me

-Bruce Arena: “Do you know how the PRO Referees first came into being? They were students of the game once, taken by the dark powers, tortured and mutilated. A ruined and terrible form of life. Now…perfected. My fighting PRO Referees. Whom do you serve?”

Sorin Stoica: “Bruce Arena”

-”Look for my sign in the second half. In the 85th minute, look to the middle of the field.” -Sorin Stoica

-”We do not have the strength to fight both Robbie Keane AND Sorin Stoica!” -Andy Gruenebaum

-”I will take it! I will take the free kick that leads to our only goal. Though…I do not know who will finish it.” -Federico Higuain

-”If by set piece or from the run of play I can score a goal, I will. You have my head”-Bernardo Anor

Columbus Crew 1-0 Portland Timbers

-”Flogging Molly! The Flogging Molly are coming!” -90% of the crowd

-”Where is Konrad?? Where is my son?!” -Robert Warzycha

-”By all that you hold dear, on this good earth. I bid you: Stand! Men Of Columbus!” – Frankie Hejduk

-”It is in Aaron Schoenfeld we must place our hope.” -Robert Warzycha

-”You shall not pass!” – Matt Lampson

-”Oh yes. Word has reached my ears of this Guillermo, brother of Gustavo, and I tell you now: I will not bow to this ranger from the South!” -Robert Warzycha

-”I ask only for the ability to score goals!” -Aaron Schoenfeld

-”It’s a Trapp!” -Caleb Porter

(OK, OK that last one was Star Wars, but how could I not include it after Wil’s performance??)